Mind your manners!

Source: Exec Digital USA

Date :16/07/2007 15:37:34

Corporate executives are frequently insensitive and even offensive in how they engage others. The problem is not having confidence in how to properly behave, says behavioral consultant and author Judi

By David Weldon

Growing up in a privileged upstate New York household, the daughter of one of the state’s largest developers, and in constant contact with the region’s most prominent citizens, Judith Bowman learned at a very early age how to mind her manners.

Proper behavior weren’t just encouraged of Bowman and her two siblings — it was required. After all, the three children routinely found themselves in the role of making some of the most influence people in business and politics feel just like one of the family in the sprawling Bowman household.

“When guests were there, you were expected to be the junior host or hostesses,” Bowman says. “We were very formally raised, and taught to always have proper etiquette.”

Despite her young age, that formal training didn’t bother Bowman. “I wanted people to feel warm and friendly at our home,” she says.

What did bother her very much, however, were the lack of social graces in many of the visitors to her home; people who one might think would have proper etiquette just come as second nature.

Those images of bad table manners and poor social skills in so many “proper” visitors to her childhood Syracuse home never left her, as Bowman grew up, went off to college in Boston, and started a successful career in sales and marketing.

But once again, in various top sales job roles in Boston, Bowman says she was routinely “wining and dining executives from various industries.” And, once again, “I was astonished at the poor manners I saw in many of these business executives.”

They also planted in her the germ of an idea that would later grow into a successful career as a corporate behavioral consultant, and to Bowman’s latest endeavor, the publication of her book, Don’t Take the Last Donut: New Rules of Business Etiquette.

Apparently there is a deep need for such a book, judging by initial reaction to Don’t Take the Last Donut. Only released at the beginning of June, Amazon has already placed multiple reorders for the title, Bowman says. It has also thrust her into the limelight in a hurry, as she has juggled a barrage of media interviews with television networks, radio stations, and daily newspapers.

While the attention may be new to her, dealing with the pressure would seem a breeze, since Bowman is very comfortable at handling herself in just about any situation.

And that is where Bowman says the strength of her book lies — offering advice to executives and mid-level managers on how to best handle any business situation they might encounter, in any corporate environment.

“The whole objective is to give people the confidence that whatever they are saying or doing is completely correct and acceptable,” Bowman explains.

In the book, Bowman deals with such topics as how to properly deal with small talk; proper networking practices; professional telephone skills; appropriate use of and formatting for emails; desirable dining skills; effective presentation techniques; meeting tips and techniques; gender issues in the workplace; professional attire; proper business cards; and travel and international etiquette skills.

Throughout all of these chapters, she stresses that in all cases, the way to determine the appropriate behavior is to imagine yourself on the receiving end.

Proper business etiquette is not so much “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, but “Do unto others, as you perceive they would have you do unto them,” Bowman says.

She calls this the Platinum Rule — that the most important way in which to act toward a fellow executive, department manager, or even line co-worker, is to extend them the level of respect that they expect to receive. The key is perception. It’s not about you, it’s about them, as she puts it.

What makes many managers handle personal interactions poorly, she says, is a lack of confidence in what the appropriate approach is to any given situation. Since managers don’t normally know their coworkers very well personally, they are at a loss on how best communicate with them.

That is understandable, Bowman explains, since managers are historically promoted due to a mastery of a business process or sales technique, not how well they interact with or supervise other people.

Making matters worse, however, is the increasingly global marketplace and workforce in which many managers operate. Showing unintentional disrespect is very easy to do when you are unfamiliar with another culture, or a coworker from one, Bowman stresses.

If you are the stranger in a strange land — say, an American manager sent to oversee a foreign operations office — that is an especially daunting challenge. The solution is to be very flexible, extremely patient, and to recognize that the rules they grew up with may no longer apply. Success in such situations depends on following the other person’s lead.

“Etiquette is all about rules and boundaries,” Bowman says. “It’s about knowing the rules, but also knowing when to break them. Sometimes you need to break the rules in order to put the other person at ease.”

The good news for readers of her book is that Bowman takes a positive approach in her advice.

“I don’t like to focus on the negative. I focus on what executives are doing right and reinforce positive behavior,” she explains. And to reinforce proper behavior, a person first has to know what that is.

Bowman uses numerous real life examples in the book to illustrate effective ways to deal with others in the corporate setting, to always show respect, even in a competitive or contrary situation. It is always acceptable to disagree, she stresses, as long as you do it in a way that makes the other person feel that you have listened to them, considered their view and why they have it, and reached a different conclusion in a thoughtful manner.

In terms of general advice, Bowman says many of the true-isms we are all taught really do apply, but people just don’t heed them. They include the importance of eye contact always, a firm but not overbearing hand shake, the desire to listen more rather then the need to speak, and the importance of physical appearance (how you present yourself, not what your characterists are) and attire.

A firm believer in the saying, “you never have a second chance to make a first impression,” Bowman says that today’s workplace often works against many of the behaviors that are most important in fostering an environment of respect. But that makes the challenge all the more critical to the individual.

“This is the most fast paced business environment in history, plus we’re totally global,” she stresses. “You can’t be inadvertently offending people, and unintentionally killing deals.”