We’ve all heard of the internet phenomenon known as Twitter. This unfiltered Internet mouthpiece has captivated an entire generation of microblog aficionados who now expect their “news” delivered in 140-character installments.
Twitter is awesome because it’s an outlet for anyone in the world to literally spill their thoughts onto the Internet … but it’s terrible for that same exact reason. There are just some people out who shouldn’t subject the world to their most intimate thoughts each day. It’s not that the world doesn’t care what you had for lunch on Wednesday, it’s just that you probably shouldn’t tweet about it unless you have something interesting to say.
Celebrities, in particular, are some of the worst Twitter abusers. It’s true that most of the entertainment value of this site is derived from being able to view the musings of celebrities when they are at their most vulnerable (drunk, angry, sad, etc.), but you would be surprised how many celebs will pump out tweet after tweet without any semblance of self-awareness.
Because we’ve been told, or shown rather, who celebrities are and who they aren’t. We know that Paris Hilton can’t keep her hands out of the cookie jar. We also know that Shaquille O’Neal is a master trash talker and that Sylvester Stallone blows stuff up. This the way we think of those celebrities and more importantly, it’s what we want to find on their Twitter feeds.
Instead we are subjected to train wrecks like this one:
TheSlyStallone: “Health is the true wealth and true love the greatest of all fortunes. This is my belief. Without them, living may be only a sad rerun. Later.” (10:13 a.m. via iPhone)
Do people really want to visit Sly’s Twitter to see him try to claim fortune cookie advice as his own? We know you love Panda Express, Sly, but come on! Wouldn’t it be better if he just acted the part of Rocky or Rambo in his Tweets? Don’t tell us you wouldn’t love finding your way to his page and seeing this:
TheSlyStallone: YO ADDRIANNNNN!!!!! (2:34 a.m. via iPhone)
It’s simple, funny and doesn’t make us think he’s a pontificating idiot, which are all good things.
Luckily, there are novelty Twitter accounts out there for fictional characters that deliver in ways that actual celebrities can’t. Novelty accounts are the unspoken workhorse of the Twitter-verse, and they are often far more compelling than reading about Kim Kardashian’s latest hair color. Come on, haven’t you ever wondered what clever repartee Batman can come up with on a daily basis? Haven’t you ever thought that a fictional twitter feed of Gary Busey’s daily aphorisms might be far more interesting than the actual Gary Busey himself? Well, wonder no more people. Even the most famous novelty account, Sh*t My Dad Says, can’t touch the six that we’ve dug up.
God_Damn_Batman
Background: Delving into the psyche of the Caped Crusader, this novelty Twitter account reveals that the man who plays Bruce Wayne during the day gets off on smashing the faces of criminals, poking fun at Robin, and forcing Alfred to work extended hours. Christian Bale could learn a thing or two from this guy the next time he decides to play the Dark Knight.
Choice Tweet: “You break the law, I break every last one of your fingers. WHAT ABOUT THIS IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!”
Loadedsanta
Background: Loadedsanta re-imagines Santa a cynical fat man that has had one too many glasses of egg nog and is not going to take it anymore. You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I’m telling you why: loadedsanta will probably drunkenly drive his sleigh into your house if you don’t read his tweets immediately!
Choice Tweet: “120 days till Christmas, kids! If you actually knew that, you’re one nerdy-ass kid.”
GaryJBusey
Background: Gary Busey has built a career and a fairly prolific reputation playing individuals who seem one step removed from the funny farm (even when the role doesn’t require him to be crazy). These tweets capture the true essence of a man who has given up on sanity a long time ago.
Choice Tweet: “I sometimes have trouble telling the difference between reality and a Pop Tart.”
Nick Nolte's Mugshot
Background: Nick Nolte's Mugshot is the hobo you always wanted to live in the alley behind your apartment. Whether it’s describing a fairly prolific intake of psychotropic drugs or his recent stint wrestling wild animals, his tweets offer solid advice for the next time you go on a six-day bender.
Choice Tweet: ““I hereby appoint this bottle of whiskey secretary of being my best friend.”
CobraCommander
Background: The Cobra Commander is best known for his role as the omnipotent leader of the Cobra forces, but apparently he still finds time to tweet about the art of blowing stuff up in between his battles with the GI Joe forces. Often peppering his tweets with violent hip-hop lyrics and assertions that he is responsible for various world disasters, this feed is guaranteed to make you root for the bad guy.
Choice Tweet: “I can’t give you the specifics about my Monday night, but it involves a midget, a jetpack, some Crisco and C4.”
big_ben_clock
Background: Big Ben clock’s tweets are proof that nothing is exempt from the trendy internet phenomenon known as Twitter. What time is it again?
Choice Tweet: “BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG” (Only because we love when it’s quitting time here at Exec Digital)
Twitter is awesome because it’s an outlet for anyone in the world to literally spill their thoughts onto the Internet … but it’s terrible for that same exact reason. There are just some people out who shouldn’t subject the world to their most intimate thoughts each day. It’s not that the world doesn’t care what you had for lunch on Wednesday, it’s just that you probably shouldn’t tweet about it unless you have something interesting to say.
Celebrities, in particular, are some of the worst Twitter abusers. It’s true that most of the entertainment value of this site is derived from being able to view the musings of celebrities when they are at their most vulnerable (drunk, angry, sad, etc.), but you would be surprised how many celebs will pump out tweet after tweet without any semblance of self-awareness.
Because we’ve been told, or shown rather, who celebrities are and who they aren’t. We know that Paris Hilton can’t keep her hands out of the cookie jar. We also know that Shaquille O’Neal is a master trash talker and that Sylvester Stallone blows stuff up. This the way we think of those celebrities and more importantly, it’s what we want to find on their Twitter feeds.
Instead we are subjected to train wrecks like this one:
TheSlyStallone: “Health is the true wealth and true love the greatest of all fortunes. This is my belief. Without them, living may be only a sad rerun. Later.” (10:13 a.m. via iPhone)
Do people really want to visit Sly’s Twitter to see him try to claim fortune cookie advice as his own? We know you love Panda Express, Sly, but come on! Wouldn’t it be better if he just acted the part of Rocky or Rambo in his Tweets? Don’t tell us you wouldn’t love finding your way to his page and seeing this:
TheSlyStallone: YO ADDRIANNNNN!!!!! (2:34 a.m. via iPhone)
It’s simple, funny and doesn’t make us think he’s a pontificating idiot, which are all good things.
Luckily, there are novelty Twitter accounts out there for fictional characters that deliver in ways that actual celebrities can’t. Novelty accounts are the unspoken workhorse of the Twitter-verse, and they are often far more compelling than reading about Kim Kardashian’s latest hair color. Come on, haven’t you ever wondered what clever repartee Batman can come up with on a daily basis? Haven’t you ever thought that a fictional twitter feed of Gary Busey’s daily aphorisms might be far more interesting than the actual Gary Busey himself? Well, wonder no more people. Even the most famous novelty account, Sh*t My Dad Says, can’t touch the six that we’ve dug up.
God_Damn_Batman
Background: Delving into the psyche of the Caped Crusader, this novelty Twitter account reveals that the man who plays Bruce Wayne during the day gets off on smashing the faces of criminals, poking fun at Robin, and forcing Alfred to work extended hours. Christian Bale could learn a thing or two from this guy the next time he decides to play the Dark Knight.
Choice Tweet: “You break the law, I break every last one of your fingers. WHAT ABOUT THIS IS SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!”
Loadedsanta
Background: Loadedsanta re-imagines Santa a cynical fat man that has had one too many glasses of egg nog and is not going to take it anymore. You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout I’m telling you why: loadedsanta will probably drunkenly drive his sleigh into your house if you don’t read his tweets immediately!
Choice Tweet: “120 days till Christmas, kids! If you actually knew that, you’re one nerdy-ass kid.”
GaryJBusey
Background: Gary Busey has built a career and a fairly prolific reputation playing individuals who seem one step removed from the funny farm (even when the role doesn’t require him to be crazy). These tweets capture the true essence of a man who has given up on sanity a long time ago.
Choice Tweet: “I sometimes have trouble telling the difference between reality and a Pop Tart.”
Nick Nolte's Mugshot
Background: Nick Nolte's Mugshot is the hobo you always wanted to live in the alley behind your apartment. Whether it’s describing a fairly prolific intake of psychotropic drugs or his recent stint wrestling wild animals, his tweets offer solid advice for the next time you go on a six-day bender.
Choice Tweet: ““I hereby appoint this bottle of whiskey secretary of being my best friend.”
CobraCommander
Background: The Cobra Commander is best known for his role as the omnipotent leader of the Cobra forces, but apparently he still finds time to tweet about the art of blowing stuff up in between his battles with the GI Joe forces. Often peppering his tweets with violent hip-hop lyrics and assertions that he is responsible for various world disasters, this feed is guaranteed to make you root for the bad guy.
Choice Tweet: “I can’t give you the specifics about my Monday night, but it involves a midget, a jetpack, some Crisco and C4.”
big_ben_clock
Background: Big Ben clock’s tweets are proof that nothing is exempt from the trendy internet phenomenon known as Twitter. What time is it again?
Choice Tweet: “BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG” (Only because we love when it’s quitting time here at Exec Digital)
