Heat waves are sweeping the country, and sweat is sloshing around everyone’s nooks and crannies. We are all in the clutches of summer’s nasty humid grips, and in response, many men are gravitating towards tossing on a pair of sandals to help keep their bodily temples free and cool. However, sadly, few men really ask themselves what statement their flip-flops are making about them as a person. And the truth, my sad, sandal clad fellows, is not pretty.
While it is understandable to want to keep your feet free from the heat inducing confines of leather and rubber, sandals convey a lackadaisical attitude, one that makes many observers wonder if you ever have held a job down, or if you still sleep on your mother’s couch. Like gravity this fact just is, do not try and philosophize your way around it.
Yes, the lack of infrastructure in flip-flops feels wonderfully freeing, if not entirely liberating. All your life you have had to answer to rigid entities: the government, schoolmasters, your wife. The last thing in the world you want to do is answer to the slithering b.s. of a stubborn shoe string.
Also, another counter point: Many great men have worn sandals - Jesus. The Dali Lama. Ghandi. They looked totally powerful and enlightened in their sandals. Yet chances are you yourself are not a highly esteemed religious prophet. So wearing such foolish contraptions make you look like a wannabe with generic hopes and dreams, and dime a dozen beliefs that couldn’t buy a donut with a million dollar bill.
So do yourself a favor friend, invest in some Toms. Invest in some canvas slip on loafers. Look like the pulled together mogul your sturdy feet destined you to be, and not like the dejected weirdo your ex-wife claims you are.
Tips for Quitting Mandals:
1. Invest in short socks that fall beneath the shoe line. Nobody wants to smell your stank foot.
2. Buy a neutral color slip on. Light shades of grey can take you from summer through winter, and they match both shorts and pants.
3. Never wear socks with sandals. If you got this far in the article, chances are you need that classic advice. If you absolutely have to wear sandals, leave the sock where you left it, on the kitchen counter behind the crock pot.
Brad Pitt is a huge fan of this brand Sanuk, who has great summer footwear options.
Looking forward to seeing your shoe clad footprints!